Jared Я. Lawson

The blog

Just some random shit on my mind

For some reason tonight I really felt like I needed to get back to writing on here again..

Like, for the past week or so I’ve been kinda busy doing some work and my birthday was on the 6th — just turned 41 yay! ???? Forty fucking one, huh? And I ain’t got shit.

I’m back in trouble again, alone without a girlfriend, no place to call home, and fucking miserable. To make this ALL worse I didn’t even hear from Leia on my birthday. ???? Shit.. I haven’t even heard from her since she asked me if I knew of 2 guys that would help her move to this “sublease”. I don’t fucking know?!

Well, I have no clue where she’s even living at now or if she’s even okay — my sister said maybe she’s “subleasing” with those 2 guys off of Facebook marketplace now or something. Idk but I just can’t get over this bad feeling I’ve had about her and the whole story she told me. Fuck, I even thought these guys would kidnap her or fucking something.

It’s fucking killing me inside and she’s too cold to even care!!

Now, I do have to say this though.. that it was either on the day of my birthday or the day before that I was walking down the sidewalk to this fucking porch. And I asked GOD, my Mom, all the angels and saints, spirit guides, animal guides, gods and goddesses to help me out with this one — yeah I called on everything I could think of at the time because look.. it’s really hurting me big time. It was just after sundown and I said, “If Leia is dating or seeing someone else, please ????, don’t have her contact me on my birthday. I really need to know for sure if this bad feeling is right or not.” And I really just left it at that. I was still fucking upset ???? (???? “Face of Asshole”) and I walked my ass from the bus stop back to this place.

So guess what?? This is so shocking… ????

Leia never even contacted me on my birthday. Not even a text or a fucking email. I was really not expecting a call from her but at least a Happy Birthday text.


Shit, I even called her the day after my birthday at 5:07am because she told me that she wakes up every morning at 5am to get ready for work.

No answer.

SO, I’m just going to leave it at that. The not even wishing me a Happy Birthday on my birthday did it for me. I mean, even my sister said that if she really loved me she wouldn’t be this cruel to me. She would of at least said Happy Birthday to me on my birthday. And I know it’s my sister but.. it’s another woman’s opinion and advice. She’s really the only other woman in my life after my Mom passed away.

Anyway, I just needed to write. I needed to get that out. Because I really do feel a bit better now. ???? And now I know the truth…

Leia never really loved me. ????

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